COLLEGE

Nothing really special about me, and I know just exactly how people dont think I'm 'something'. But I'm here to be myself and pour out everything I've been holding inside, alone.

Okay so, this year I'm getting into college. And right now I come to the point where I have to choose whether I should continue my study or do what I want. I am applying for college and already been accepted by the university. But I just feel like this is not right, it's obviously not wrong—college, but to me this isn't completely right.

A lot of people had been asking me what I want to be when I grow up. As a child, I'd say I wanna be a princess (like who doesn't?), or an astronaut in my case. But as the year went on, and I got a few little sight of 'adult world'; college, work, and military. I got much alerted or what I'm really gonna be when I really grow up—like under the legal age. And when people ask me that freaky question 'what do you wanna be when you grow up'. All I got is I Don't Know. I like a lot of things, like singing, writing, reading, astonomy.

I have a very big interest in singing. I'd like to have a band or become a singer, but the thing is I can't play any instrument. And when I look at those stars, like Adam Young from Owl City. He might be not as popular as Harry Styles, but Adam is a man with like tons of talents. He's flawless. He can play the instruments I dont even know it exists. I know a star like Harry with golden voice and diamond face could have the spotlighy attention in a snap of a finger. But here I am again, a girl in a small town who could not play any instrument but has a very big passion over music and has no idea how she gonna get her place in the world—or at least in her town.

I'm also like a crazy author. I have so many inspiration on my head that it became a lot of different stories in my folders. My inspiration is weirdly annoying. Like one time I'd write ten chapters in a row and the next I'd be like 'why the hell did I write this story?!'. And then I abandoned the story. But after a few months when I accidentally open the folder I'd be like 'why in the world did I abandon such an adorable inspirative story of mine?'. Ugh it's just so distressing.

And there are these years when I've always tell people that I want to be an astronaut. It's a hard thing and pretty reckless for a girl like me. I mean I could've said that I want to br a teacher or a doctor or any other normal dreams. But I really want to be an astronaut. I wanna see how the galaxy works. I want to explore the universe. But—there's always a but in my stories, but I'm not good in math or physic, while astronomy needs a hell lot of calculation-prediction about how fast the meteor will hit the planet or the quantum thing—that is if the quantum thing really for astronomy.

And none of them I'm optimistic about. If only I was born with silver chalices set on my dining table and ten million dollars money in my parent's bank account. I'm not complaining about my life, I'm just imagining what it would be like to have a different life. I dont even know the point of this post. I just feel the need to get it all out.

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